[Byleth's ability to restrain his thoughts and emotions during communion was... odd; in that they were notably there, but gave off the impression that they were neatly compartmentalised into unlabelled boxes that weren't quite big enough to contain them. Well-organised yet ill-understood... and feeling a little powder-keggy.]
Yes. Their discussion is pointless, and was initiated due to hurt emotion. Nothing productive can come of that.
[Byleth was no stranger to failure - it was the whole reason why their contract had switched from the Emperor to King Dimitri - but he knew that quibbling over 'what ifs' and dwelling in self-pity and anger over the failure would serve no purpose.
Anyway, the mission had been rigged against them from the start: the methods of acquiring an Oracle were unclear, and Zenith had only won due to blind, dumb luck. There was no real navel-gazing to be had.]
This loss should be put behind us so we may focus on more immediate concerns: such as the fallout and what comes next.
It's not... pointless. Not everyone is as pragmatic as you, and some people take things more personally. They just need time to vent, rest, and figure things out.
[It's just all a natural part of processing emotions. They're people, not war machines.]
The best thing we can do is support them and offer encouragement, not berate them for it. That way we keep up morale, and no one gets left behind when it's time to move on.
I see. You feel that we should lend support to the more emotionally fragile members to ensure they remain effective for upcoming missions. I understand.
[It was a concept he could understand and agree to. He just wasn't used to it. Jeralt was unflappable, nothing got under his skin and he rolled with even the direst of setbacks. His mercs were just the same: grizzled, hardened veterans, who vented their frustrations in their cups or in the fighting ring during downtime, rather than sitting in a circle yelling pointlessly at each other. Even the Kingdom generals were far more composed - unless they were yelling at King Dimitri for taking poor care of his health, but that was necessary, as King Dimitri needed frequent reminding of that lesson.
(...he made a mental note to check on this Dimitri. While they were both bizarrely different yet similar, Byleth had a feeling they both shared that near crippling guilt that looked as if it was crushing them from the inside out.)]
How long does this venting process take? Two to three days?
Well, it's not the kind of thing you can quantify. Everyone's different and copes with loss in different ways. [He thinks of an example, and the obvious one springs to mind:] Dextera -- the guy who made the original communion to us all -- is sensitive and needs people he can lean on.
[Or, as Byleth more bluntly put it, he's emotionally fragile.]
Then there's someone like Hayame. Have you met her yet? She has a hard time, I guess because she's not human and sees herself as an outsider. So at times like this she isolates herself even more, not that it does her any favours.
It sounds difficult to keep track of, and to accommodate, each individual's unique needs.
[His tone was... very mildly frustrated. If this had been back in their realm, he would've been more receptive to this information, and probably used it as a means to improve his socialising skills. Here, however, he found his tolerance for complex interaction massively reduced, edged with a sort of aimless depression he couldn't put into words. He just felt tired.]
Especially if they run counter to each other. In that communion, there were arguments. I don't see how that's helpful.
Most of them want to win, they just don't see eye to eye on how to do it. And not many people are going to be in a mood to compromise when tensions are running high, which leads to butting heads, even if it's counterproductive.
[But knowing all those peoples' individual needs, and how to unite them together, is the hallmark of a good leader. The Byleth that Claude knew implicitly understood that, but he can understand how much this Byleth must be floundering, away from everything he knew. At least when he was thrown in the deep end at the Academy, he still had Jeralt to lean on, but here...]
Hey... What are you up to right now? Are you busy?
[Claude was truly insightful, Byleth couldn't help but think. He intrinsically understood people in a way Byleth could only dream of...]
...busy? No. I'm doing nothing.
[Literally. He's just been lying on his floor staring at the ceiling for this entire talk. Well. 'Talk'. He didn't like the idea of doing communion while out and about, since he found it incredibly distracting. He couldn't tolerate that level of vulnerability in such a strange, unknown land... with no trusted allies.]
[Good tea and conversation? The more he heard about this 'other Byleth', the more he sounded like some bizarre imposter who bore his face and name. Byleth knew nothing about tea, didn't really converse well, and was awkward with new company... mind, he enjoyed Jeralt's company, and Alois, a recent addition, was okay too. Byleth didn't understand his jokes half the time, but Alois's genuine friendliness more than made up for it - but even then, Byleth struggled to converse easily with him.
Perhaps, this 'other Byleth' just achieved that which he was failing at now? Claude was from further in time, even if his history had taken a vitally different path to his own. Maybe, in three more years, Byleth will enjoy good tea and conversation, and can interact with others without having to sneakily practice his smiles or small talk, yet flubbing it anyways when it came to the actual thing. He just had to keep putting in the work, no matter how disheartening the setbacks were.]
...I can't claim to be well-versed in tea, but I accept your offer. It's more productive than what I'm doing now.
[Bye... leth. Claude isn't offended by the snub, at any rate, and is found waiting beneath the archway as promised. In person it becomes more obvious he feels as miserable as the rest of the Meridian do, truthfully, as evidenced by the thick cloak he has drawn around him to keep off a chill he can't quite seem to shake off, a certain pallor to his face, and underneath his layers and gloves, his skin is cracked and sore.
But he's trying not to dwell on his complaints, physical or mental, as when he spots Byleth, he offers a cheerful (if tired) smile.]
[In direct contrast to Claude, Byleth looked the same as usual. He felt slightly chilly, but the general malaise clinging to him was neatly compartmentalised where all aches and pains went. Unless the injury or illness was directly hindering him, he didn't bother to acknowledge it. Pain and discomfort was transitory, anyways.]
Hello. Thank you for inviting me.
[However, despite disregarding his own malaise, he noticed it immediately on Claude. He looked like death slightly warmed up, but Byleth wasn't sure if pointing it out would be rude or not.]
[Does he look that bad that not even one of his trademark Charming Smiles can distract from it? He does feel awful -- he felt worst of all around Hayame, for some reason -- a cause he hasn't yet been able to attribute but is down to the curse of being a Stargazer.]
Ah-- I've been better, but I'm okay. The tea will help perk me right up.
[He'd ostensibly wanted to do this for Byleth, but he does have to admit the outing will do him some good too.]
Oh, right! I got a present for you on the way. [Subject change! He pulls a book out from his cloak and offers it to Byleth; it's a dense-looking tome on magical theory.]
[Byleth reluctantly dropped the subject - he supposed the leader of the Leicester Alliance would know his own limits - and was suitably distracted by the book Claude presented him with. It looked fairly dense, on a subject that Byleth had an interest in.
It was just... he didn't understand what he did to deserve it.
If it had been Jeralt, Byleth would understand why. He was his father and he loved him. Shez, as well, he understood - he had felt guilty after almost murdering him from his bout of possession, despite Byleth telling him that he was forgiven, so kept gifting him 'apology presents'. No one else gave him gifts.
Still, it would be rude to reject it. Slowly, he reached out, unable to conceal his confusion entirely, and accepted the book.]
...thank you, Claude. This is kind of you. [Almost awkwardly:] I didn't... think to get one in turn. I'm sorry.
[Claude studies his reaction closely, but his warm smile doesn't falter even at Byleth's confusion.] I didn't get you it expecting anything in return. Just your company is enough.
[It would give Byleth something to focus on besides his frustration, too, he thinks, and it seems this Byleth shares a love of learning the other held. What could be more interesting to a magic user than magic from another world? Regardless, he accepted it, so Claude's happy. He gestures down the street ahead.]
Alright, the place is just a few minutes from here, but it's tucked away a little off the beaten track.
[Byleth tucked the book against the inside of his forearm - since he lacked pockets or anywhere to store a book - and nodded.]
Very well. I'll follow you. Lead the way.
[Admittedly, while Byleth had wandered around Springstar, he didn't really note the location of teahouses and the like. Mostly, he had mapped the city out as well as he could, noting the chokeholds, the open spaces, its overall defensibility, over sightseeing. He had no idea what to do with his seemingly endless amount of free time with no marching orders or frequent battles to bounce between, so frequent assessments of his immediate environs is what he did...]
[Claude leads him past rows and rows of shops and streets lined with stalls. Oracle defeat or no, Springstar remains a hive of activity and of people, trading and bartering goods. He keeps glancing at Byleth every now and then to make sure they aren't separated in the crowd, and he notices the way he seems to be making certain observations, so he decides to pick his brain about it.]
[Byleth's answer came without hesitation. He had never been anywhere like it before, as he and Jeralt tended to avoid major cities. He was pretty much a country bumpkin here.]
Crowded. Loud. Difficult to defend, in case of assault or siege, though the confusing terrain may serve well to stage ambushes against invading forces. That would require intimate knowledge of the city's layout by the resident defence force, however, which is a monumental task due to its size and density.
I, for one, think it's exciting. All that chaos, but so many different people from so many different worlds are able to coexist and find acceptance. Even Zenites are permitted to come visit.
[At least for the time being -- not that all of them will want to, with tensions beginning to increase, but still.]
Aren't you even a little bit impressed by the way of life here?
...I suppose it's impressive that so many people can live in one location. It must allow for many opportunities and unique experiences.
[Personally, though, it wasn't Byleth's thing. Maybe it was just a shock to his system and he hadn't grown accustomed to it yet, or maybe being unable to share the experience with Jeralt made him melancholy, he wasn't sure. He didn't know how to express this, though, and he was leery of offending Claude by not picking the correct words.]
But... I am not... used to this. [He exhaled shortly.] Not alone, in any case. That may be impacting my opinion negatively.
[Claude's not offended, but it does make him pause. He draws Byleth to one side of the crowds, next to a stall. This is once again another sign of the gulf between their experiences with one another, so he has to stop to explain himself, he thinks. This is something Byleth needs to hear, without the interruptions of the throngs of people around them.]
Listen... Back home, I consider you as more than just an ally. You're my dearest friend. Things may be different here, but I hope you can come to think of me as a friend, too.
[The same thing Dimitri told him - "you're my dearest friend" - yet Byleth had done nothing to achieve it from his own efforts. There was no way to describe the complex tangle of emotions this evoked in him, though. He lacked the words.]
You and Dimitri are quick... to claim friendship with me. [his words were slow, clearly trying to organise his thoughts as he spoke.] While a part of me is happy to so easily gain friends, I... don't feel deserving of it. It was the Other Byleth who put in the effort to befriend you, and who succeeded. I'm still learning how to speak to my peers, and how to smile. I haven't yet made a friend from my own efforts.
[He only knew how to interact with people who were either clients, fellow mercenaries, or enemies to neutralise on the battlefield. In those scenarios, the flowchart of conversation was very simple and easy to follow. This had no flowchart.]
The whole situation... [he paused for a moment, then decided to be blunt:] It makes me feel like I'm an imposter. A poor one.
You're no more than I'm an imposter compared to whatever Claude you know. We may be slightly different people, but the stuff that makes us who we are... I'm sure a lot of it is the same.
[And if that's the case, how can any of them be just an imitation? Difference doesn't make them worse.]
I'm not always proud of how I treated you when we first met. I even did plenty of things that would earn your distrust, even anger. But we still stuck by each other through thick and thin... How about we take a chance at putting our faith in each other this time, too?
[A lot to ask, to be sure, and he's aware Byleth will have no way of telling if any of that is the truth, so--] You don't have to answer right away. Just think about what you want to do, without any pressure from me or Dimitri or anyone else.
[There was a considerable pause as Byleth thought it over. It wasn't as if he didn't want to make friends with Claude, after all - he did - but he'd been worried that Claude's friendliness had been misplaced, that there was an unspoken assumption that Byleth would have to meet the expectations the Other Byleth had set. Expectations he would inevitably fall short of.
That worry still remained, but maybe...]
Very well. So long as you promise to befriend me based on the person I am now, rather than who you wish me to be, I'll put my faith in you, Claude.
[And, since even he knew friendship was a two-way street:] I promise I'll see you for who you are currently, as well.
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Yes. Their discussion is pointless, and was initiated due to hurt emotion. Nothing productive can come of that.
[Byleth was no stranger to failure - it was the whole reason why their contract had switched from the Emperor to King Dimitri - but he knew that quibbling over 'what ifs' and dwelling in self-pity and anger over the failure would serve no purpose.
Anyway, the mission had been rigged against them from the start: the methods of acquiring an Oracle were unclear, and Zenith had only won due to blind, dumb luck. There was no real navel-gazing to be had.]
This loss should be put behind us so we may focus on more immediate concerns: such as the fallout and what comes next.
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[It's just all a natural part of processing emotions. They're people, not war machines.]
The best thing we can do is support them and offer encouragement, not berate them for it. That way we keep up morale, and no one gets left behind when it's time to move on.
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[It was a concept he could understand and agree to. He just wasn't used to it. Jeralt was unflappable, nothing got under his skin and he rolled with even the direst of setbacks. His mercs were just the same: grizzled, hardened veterans, who vented their frustrations in their cups or in the fighting ring during downtime, rather than sitting in a circle yelling pointlessly at each other. Even the Kingdom generals were far more composed - unless they were yelling at King Dimitri for taking poor care of his health, but that was necessary, as King Dimitri needed frequent reminding of that lesson.
(...he made a mental note to check on this Dimitri. While they were both bizarrely different yet similar, Byleth had a feeling they both shared that near crippling guilt that looked as if it was crushing them from the inside out.)]
How long does this venting process take? Two to three days?
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[Or, as Byleth more bluntly put it, he's emotionally fragile.]
Then there's someone like Hayame. Have you met her yet? She has a hard time, I guess because she's not human and sees herself as an outsider. So at times like this she isolates herself even more, not that it does her any favours.
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It sounds difficult to keep track of, and to accommodate, each individual's unique needs.
[His tone was... very mildly frustrated. If this had been back in their realm, he would've been more receptive to this information, and probably used it as a means to improve his socialising skills. Here, however, he found his tolerance for complex interaction massively reduced, edged with a sort of aimless depression he couldn't put into words. He just felt tired.]
Especially if they run counter to each other. In that communion, there were arguments. I don't see how that's helpful.
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[But knowing all those peoples' individual needs, and how to unite them together, is the hallmark of a good leader. The Byleth that Claude knew implicitly understood that, but he can understand how much this Byleth must be floundering, away from everything he knew. At least when he was thrown in the deep end at the Academy, he still had Jeralt to lean on, but here...]
Hey... What are you up to right now? Are you busy?
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...busy? No. I'm doing nothing.
[Literally. He's just been lying on his floor staring at the ceiling for this entire talk. Well. 'Talk'. He didn't like the idea of doing communion while out and about, since he found it incredibly distracting. He couldn't tolerate that level of vulnerability in such a strange, unknown land... with no trusted allies.]
Why do you ask?
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[He doesn't want to assume this Byleth is all the same... But he can't be that different in terms of tastes and preferences, right?]
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[Good tea and conversation? The more he heard about this 'other Byleth', the more he sounded like some bizarre imposter who bore his face and name. Byleth knew nothing about tea, didn't really converse well, and was awkward with new company... mind, he enjoyed Jeralt's company, and Alois, a recent addition, was okay too. Byleth didn't understand his jokes half the time, but Alois's genuine friendliness more than made up for it - but even then, Byleth struggled to converse easily with him.
Perhaps, this 'other Byleth' just achieved that which he was failing at now? Claude was from further in time, even if his history had taken a vitally different path to his own. Maybe, in three more years, Byleth will enjoy good tea and conversation, and can interact with others without having to sneakily practice his smiles or small talk, yet flubbing it anyways when it came to the actual thing. He just had to keep putting in the work, no matter how disheartening the setbacks were.]
...I can't claim to be well-versed in tea, but I accept your offer. It's more productive than what I'm doing now.
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[Is that something Byleth can imagine...? Well, regardless, he can learn about that, too.]
There's a big archway over the entrance to the Empório district. Meet me there, and I'll show you the way to a nice tea house.
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Very well. I'll head there now.
[With that, he cut communion. Sorry, Claude, the lack of farewell is not an intentional snub...
Anyway ~insert travel time here~]
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But he's trying not to dwell on his complaints, physical or mental, as when he spots Byleth, he offers a cheerful (if tired) smile.]
Heya! Thanks for coming.
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Hello. Thank you for inviting me.
[However, despite disregarding his own malaise, he noticed it immediately on Claude. He looked like death slightly warmed up, but Byleth wasn't sure if pointing it out would be rude or not.]
Are you... well?
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Ah-- I've been better, but I'm okay. The tea will help perk me right up.
[He'd ostensibly wanted to do this for Byleth, but he does have to admit the outing will do him some good too.]
Oh, right! I got a present for you on the way. [Subject change! He pulls a book out from his cloak and offers it to Byleth; it's a dense-looking tome on magical theory.]
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It was just... he didn't understand what he did to deserve it.
If it had been Jeralt, Byleth would understand why. He was his father and he loved him. Shez, as well, he understood - he had felt guilty after almost murdering him from his bout of possession, despite Byleth telling him that he was forgiven, so kept gifting him 'apology presents'. No one else gave him gifts.
Still, it would be rude to reject it. Slowly, he reached out, unable to conceal his confusion entirely, and accepted the book.]
...thank you, Claude. This is kind of you. [Almost awkwardly:] I didn't... think to get one in turn. I'm sorry.
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[It would give Byleth something to focus on besides his frustration, too, he thinks, and it seems this Byleth shares a love of learning the other held. What could be more interesting to a magic user than magic from another world? Regardless, he accepted it, so Claude's happy. He gestures down the street ahead.]
Alright, the place is just a few minutes from here, but it's tucked away a little off the beaten track.
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Very well. I'll follow you. Lead the way.
[Admittedly, while Byleth had wandered around Springstar, he didn't really note the location of teahouses and the like. Mostly, he had mapped the city out as well as he could, noting the chokeholds, the open spaces, its overall defensibility, over sightseeing. He had no idea what to do with his seemingly endless amount of free time with no marching orders or frequent battles to bounce between, so frequent assessments of his immediate environs is what he did...]
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What do you think to Springstar?
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[Byleth's answer came without hesitation. He had never been anywhere like it before, as he and Jeralt tended to avoid major cities. He was pretty much a country bumpkin here.]
Crowded. Loud. Difficult to defend, in case of assault or siege, though the confusing terrain may serve well to stage ambushes against invading forces. That would require intimate knowledge of the city's layout by the resident defence force, however, which is a monumental task due to its size and density.
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[At least for the time being -- not that all of them will want to, with tensions beginning to increase, but still.]
Aren't you even a little bit impressed by the way of life here?
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[Personally, though, it wasn't Byleth's thing. Maybe it was just a shock to his system and he hadn't grown accustomed to it yet, or maybe being unable to share the experience with Jeralt made him melancholy, he wasn't sure. He didn't know how to express this, though, and he was leery of offending Claude by not picking the correct words.]
But... I am not... used to this. [He exhaled shortly.] Not alone, in any case. That may be impacting my opinion negatively.
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[Claude's not offended, but it does make him pause. He draws Byleth to one side of the crowds, next to a stall. This is once again another sign of the gulf between their experiences with one another, so he has to stop to explain himself, he thinks. This is something Byleth needs to hear, without the interruptions of the throngs of people around them.]
Listen... Back home, I consider you as more than just an ally. You're my dearest friend. Things may be different here, but I hope you can come to think of me as a friend, too.
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You and Dimitri are quick... to claim friendship with me. [his words were slow, clearly trying to organise his thoughts as he spoke.] While a part of me is happy to so easily gain friends, I... don't feel deserving of it. It was the Other Byleth who put in the effort to befriend you, and who succeeded. I'm still learning how to speak to my peers, and how to smile. I haven't yet made a friend from my own efforts.
[He only knew how to interact with people who were either clients, fellow mercenaries, or enemies to neutralise on the battlefield. In those scenarios, the flowchart of conversation was very simple and easy to follow. This had no flowchart.]
The whole situation... [he paused for a moment, then decided to be blunt:] It makes me feel like I'm an imposter. A poor one.
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[And if that's the case, how can any of them be just an imitation? Difference doesn't make them worse.]
I'm not always proud of how I treated you when we first met. I even did plenty of things that would earn your distrust, even anger. But we still stuck by each other through thick and thin... How about we take a chance at putting our faith in each other this time, too?
[A lot to ask, to be sure, and he's aware Byleth will have no way of telling if any of that is the truth, so--] You don't have to answer right away. Just think about what you want to do, without any pressure from me or Dimitri or anyone else.
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That worry still remained, but maybe...]
Very well. So long as you promise to befriend me based on the person I am now, rather than who you wish me to be, I'll put my faith in you, Claude.
[And, since even he knew friendship was a two-way street:] I promise I'll see you for who you are currently, as well.
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