[Admittedly, Byleth had been easing the gas on his observation of Dimitri ever since he'd gained his position within Springstar's military. He seemed happy with his new duties, and far too busy to be entertaining Byleth, but if Claude mentioned it, then... well, Byleth will try to set aside some time for him.]
I do. I hadn't realised how tense I'd been before.
[Byleth rolled his shoulders, feeling how much looser they were, and half-turned to give Claude one of his almost smiles.]
Good. [Claude returns the smile.] And I don't have any old injuries like yours, but sure.
[If Byleth wanted him to lean on him more, who is he to say no to a free massage? He removes his tunic, and much like he said, aside from a few old nicks here and there, he really doesn't have any noticeable scars to write home about. Then again, that's not surprising for an archer who tries to position himself as far away from combat as possible. Even the battle with Nemesis had been more about outsmarting him than getting in close to overpower him. He turns, shifting on the bed to offer Byleth an easier angle.]
[Byleth has never massaged anyone in his life, but how hard could it be?
Once Claude was ready, Byleth leaned back to survey the objective. As Claude said, there was no prominent scarring to be wary of, and when Byleth experimentally pressed his fingers into the meat of Claude's shoulders-]
Hard. [Byleth spoke without thinking, and clarified as began to massage Claude's shoulders in earnest:] You're carrying a lot of tension.
[Claude keeps his back turned, trying to stave off the instinctive tension that anything like this presents. It's Byleth, so he'll do it without question, but it still doesn't mean he can relax right away.]
Sorry. [He takes a breath, lowers his shoulders a bit, forcing himself to loosen up a little like he might for his morning meditation.] How's that?
Better, but there's no need to force yourself. I don't mind waiting for your body to adjust to my proximity.
[Byleth was patient. With this in mind, he paused his ministrations and let his palms rest flat against Claude's back, over the shoulder blades. He could feel the muscles shift as they went through the mechanism of breathing, faster than Byleth's body did it - but he noticed that with other people: they always seemed to be set at a pace a few clicks faster than him. In pulse, in breathing, in when they needed to eat or sleep...
Notably, though:]
Hm. I thought you'd be able to feel the heart beat from the back, but it appears not.
[Claude's taken aback, glancing slightly over his shoulder. Right... For someone without a heartbeat at all, noticing it in others must be fascinating. Even if being scrutinised like this makes him feel like a specimen of Professor Hanneman's that he finds particularly interesting.]
You'd feel it easier from the front, on the left side of my chest. You can try it, if you really want?
[Claude turns to face fowards again, looking at the wall of the tent. Occasionally the shadow of someone passes by, or the wind stirs the branches of the trees around the campsite, but otherwise it's quiet. He tries to focus on that, and closes his eyes to relax a little further.]
[Byleth refocused on the objective: Claude's massage.
The tension had only abated fractionally, so Byleth decided to proceed with a gentler touch. He rested his hands on his shoulders and pressed his fingers on either side of Claude's spine, moving them in tight circles to try and relax the knot of tension he found there.
Thankfully, some sliver of tact that he had absorbed in his time here nudged him that doing this in stoic silence would do little to ease Claude, so after a moment, Byleth decided to ask something he'd wondered about for a long while.]
...what's it like? Having a heartbeat? [Byleth's tone was one of innocent curiosity.] Is it distracting with how much it moves?
Most of the time, I can't say that I think about it.
[Claude opens his eyes again, although now that he mentioned not thinking about it, he is thinking about it, about the steady rise and fall of his own chest, how Byleth's touch feels against his skin. It's... nice. Even if he feels like his insides have been twisting themselves in knots since he doesn't know how long, it's something.]
But, there are times when your heartbeat can react to how you feel. Angry, scared, excited, nervous... Sometimes, in those kinds of situations, you can't help but notice how fast your heart is racing.
[He had no frame of reference for it. Even his own pulse was unhurried, with only a slight uptick in pace if he was truly pushing himself - and he had to be actually touching the pulse point to feel that. Frowning in thought, he began to gently knead Claude's shoulders with the heels of his palms.]
Doesn't it ever get tired? It's in constant motion, from what I understand. Even your lungs have moments of rest in between breaths.
[Wait.]
Ah, please tell me if my questions are untoward. I'm aware they're rather strange.
No, it's only natural to be curious about something you haven't experienced. [And kind of endearing, to be honest. Claude finds himself smiling to himself as he mulls over how to answer, and now he's beginning to relax under Byleth's touch in earnest, the tense line of his shoulders seeming to loosen.]
Everyone's breathing slows down when they're asleep, right? Even yours. So I guess that means hearts are similar, and don't have to work as hard when we sleep, too.
[Claude was beginning to loosen up. Excellent. Byleth paused his kneading to slide his hands down lower, pressing his thumbs on either side of Claude's spine again and running them up and down slowly.]
I suppose that makes some sort of sense.
[And thinking on it, Byleth's Crest Stone likely worked constantly too, as his pulse was consistently regular, albeit far slower than a normal human's. Though how exactly it functioned, Byleth had no idea. He knew what a heart looked like, and understood the mechanism behind it: it squeezed and forced the blood out so fast it could rush around the entire body within a second and a bit. A Crest Stone was... well, stone-like. It didn't squeeze. So how did it do it...?
It was a question Byleth likely will never get an answer too - not unless he consented to someone vivisecting him which, well, he wasn't that curious. As always when it came to the inhuman parts of his biology, he simply set the curiosity aside, resigned to ignorance.]
In any case, are you feeling better? There's less tension in your back and shoulders now.
[Claude rolls his shoulders, enjoying the feeling. He's sure a lot of it has nothing to do with the massage at all -- though that undoubtedly helped -- but just talking to Byleth like this. Dropping his guard a little, talking about anything or nothing, indulging Byleth's curiosity about something he probably would have been hesitant to ask most people.
Then he stretches, yawning, as if all that had made him sleepy.]
I think I'm about ready to pass out for the night. How about you?
[Byleth had drawn his hands back, but he was fidgeting slightly. His mind was still latched onto the curiosity that was the heart, and Claude had offered to let him feel it, so he obviously wouldn't mind... but it was getting late, and it could wait until tomorrow, or a later date... but it would only take a short moment, half a minute at most...]
............but before we go to sleep, can I... feel your heartbeat...
[Struck by an idea, Claude rearranges himself to lie on the camp bed, lifting up the covers so Byleth can join him. It's not the most comfortable bed in the world, and it'll be even more cramped with the two of them, but right now he doesn't mind any of that at all.]
[At first Byleth didn't quite understand, still seated on the edge of the bed with his head tilted like a curious puppy. But then it clicked, and his interest rose dramatically. So, not only could a heartbeat be felt, it could be heard too...?]
Very well. Thank you for indulging my curiosity.
[Sharing a bed like this didn't really register as anything strange to him, either. He had cosied up with Jeralt on more than a few occasions when they'd been in Faerghas during their bitter winters, and Byleth's main apprehension was letting a stranger be in close proximity to him. So, he slipped under the covers with Claude without hesitation.
It was cramped - more than, actually - with Byleth forced to lie on his side unless he wanted an arm and leg dangling off the edge. Despite his overwhelming curiosity, he didn't go straight for listening to Claude's heartbeat: he propped himself up on an elbow and very lightly rested his hand on the left side of Claude's chest-
-and lifted it up in surprise when he felt how strong the beat was.]
Oh. [he lowered his hand again, this time not flinching back at feeling the steady, strong beat.] That feels strange... two beats? It's not one single beat like a pulse is.
[Despite trying to play all of this cool, Claude's distracted by Byleth touching his chest, his surprised body language, the way he's so taken aback by something so mundane. Suddenly becoming aware of the feelings of fondness rising up in his chest, Claude can feel his cheeks flush, but hopefully Byleth can't feel emotions as well as a heartbeat through his ribcage. He can't, however, disguise how his tone is a notch gentler when he replies.]
Yeah, it's a bit different, though I can't say I've thought about it as much as you have.
[Or at least, not since he was still a child and learning about the world.]
[Byleth doesn't notice Claude's blush - his gaze is fixed on his hand splayed over Claude's chest, seemingly fascinated with the heartbeat he could feel against his palm.]
I've always been curious, but I could never ask Jeralt about these things.
[Jeralt loved him, Byleth knew that. He was Jeralt's entire world. But his lack of heartbeat, his difficulty in emoting... it troubled his father as well. So, Byleth never brought it up, he never asked Jeralt questions like "what does it feel like to have a heartbeat?" or "can I feel it?", but he could never ask anyone else either... until now, that is.]
And people place a lot of importance on hearts. There're idioms and metaphors and... poems and stories that surround them. It's fundamental to being a person, and I'll admit, for the longest time, it made me wonder if I could even be considered human, or even alive, because I lacked it. Of course, I know now that my heart is simply... different, not absent.
[A part of him was a little angry that Jeralt had kept it secret from him for so long but... Byleth didn't know how to process that so he just buried it, like he did with all the difficult emotions.]
Yeah. Being different doesn't make you any less than anyone else. And it doesn't mean you feel anything less, even if you don't express it.
[But knowing how to read subtler cues in his demeanour, his words, expressions... Claude feels like he understands him well with very little needing to be said. He rests a hand over Byleth's, where it's still splayed over his heartbeat.]
As for me, I have a regular heart just like most anyone else, but people still find plenty of reason to treat me differently. So, don't put too much stock in other peoples' assumptions of how things should be.
[Claude's expression softens, and he shakes his head slightly from where he looks up at him, offering one of his rare, authentic smiles.] It's not presumptuous. Actually, I feel the same. But you know... The fact that we're from two different worlds where we knew each other, and managed to meet here together in a third... Doesn't that feel like it might be fate?
I mean, even if we might regret not knowing each other sooner... getting to meet like this is something of a miracle, too.
A miracle... yes, when you think of the odds of this happening, it is something like a miracle.
[But it made Byleth wonder where he'd stand once he returned to his own world. The Claude there was the leader of the Leicester Alliance, and likely had no idea Byleth even existed beyond his reputation and name. If Byleth sought him out... this type of relationship they had here was unlikely. Byleth would only ever be a hired mercenary.
...
Was this how Claude felt when encountering him here? Seeing a familiar face stare at him as if he was a stranger? Hm...]
In a way, it makes me almost sad to think of our eventual parting. The Claude in my world doesn't even know I exist, beyond being just a mercenary employed by King Dimitri.
Then, why not take up a new contract with the other me, once your obligations to Dimitri are done with? I bet the other me would never say no to having the Ashen Demon onside. Then you can get to know him, just like you've gotten to know me, little by little.
[Assuming the other Claude isn't some radically different person, he can imagine he'd take to Byleth for just the same reasons.]
Besides, I don't think I would ever think of anyone in my employ as just a mercenary. I like to familiarise myself with the people I work with.
Yes, from what little I saw of the other Claude, he was very casual with his subordinates.
[...]
I'll think on it. For now, my employer is King Dimitri, but Jeralt expressed a desire to sever our ties with the Kingdom after our contract was concluded. The Church and Faerghus are still too closely aligned for his comfort... also, I get the impression he has less than fond feelings towards his homeland...
[Ah, but that was veering into topics Byleth wanted to avoid: Jeralt talk. Besides, there was no point discussing what ifs about his future back in his world right now. They weren't going home for a long while yet, regrettably.]
But I digress. May I listen to your heart? I'm curious to hear its sound.
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I do. I hadn't realised how tense I'd been before.
[Byleth rolled his shoulders, feeling how much looser they were, and half-turned to give Claude one of his almost smiles.]
Thank you. Do you want me to return the favour?
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[If Byleth wanted him to lean on him more, who is he to say no to a free massage? He removes his tunic, and much like he said, aside from a few old nicks here and there, he really doesn't have any noticeable scars to write home about. Then again, that's not surprising for an archer who tries to position himself as far away from combat as possible. Even the battle with Nemesis had been more about outsmarting him than getting in close to overpower him. He turns, shifting on the bed to offer Byleth an easier angle.]
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Once Claude was ready, Byleth leaned back to survey the objective. As Claude said, there was no prominent scarring to be wary of, and when Byleth experimentally pressed his fingers into the meat of Claude's shoulders-]
Hard. [Byleth spoke without thinking, and clarified as began to massage Claude's shoulders in earnest:] You're carrying a lot of tension.
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Sorry. [He takes a breath, lowers his shoulders a bit, forcing himself to loosen up a little like he might for his morning meditation.] How's that?
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[Byleth was patient. With this in mind, he paused his ministrations and let his palms rest flat against Claude's back, over the shoulder blades. He could feel the muscles shift as they went through the mechanism of breathing, faster than Byleth's body did it - but he noticed that with other people: they always seemed to be set at a pace a few clicks faster than him. In pulse, in breathing, in when they needed to eat or sleep...
Notably, though:]
Hm. I thought you'd be able to feel the heart beat from the back, but it appears not.
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[Claude's taken aback, glancing slightly over his shoulder. Right... For someone without a heartbeat at all, noticing it in others must be fascinating. Even if being scrutinised like this makes him feel like a specimen of Professor Hanneman's that he finds particularly interesting.]
You'd feel it easier from the front, on the left side of my chest. You can try it, if you really want?
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Ah, thank you but... I can satisfy my curiosity another time. I'm supposed to be helping you relax, after all.
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[Claude turns to face fowards again, looking at the wall of the tent. Occasionally the shadow of someone passes by, or the wind stirs the branches of the trees around the campsite, but otherwise it's quiet. He tries to focus on that, and closes his eyes to relax a little further.]
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The tension had only abated fractionally, so Byleth decided to proceed with a gentler touch. He rested his hands on his shoulders and pressed his fingers on either side of Claude's spine, moving them in tight circles to try and relax the knot of tension he found there.
Thankfully, some sliver of tact that he had absorbed in his time here nudged him that doing this in stoic silence would do little to ease Claude, so after a moment, Byleth decided to ask something he'd wondered about for a long while.]
...what's it like? Having a heartbeat? [Byleth's tone was one of innocent curiosity.] Is it distracting with how much it moves?
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[Claude opens his eyes again, although now that he mentioned not thinking about it, he is thinking about it, about the steady rise and fall of his own chest, how Byleth's touch feels against his skin. It's... nice. Even if he feels like his insides have been twisting themselves in knots since he doesn't know how long, it's something.]
But, there are times when your heartbeat can react to how you feel. Angry, scared, excited, nervous... Sometimes, in those kinds of situations, you can't help but notice how fast your heart is racing.
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[He had no frame of reference for it. Even his own pulse was unhurried, with only a slight uptick in pace if he was truly pushing himself - and he had to be actually touching the pulse point to feel that. Frowning in thought, he began to gently knead Claude's shoulders with the heels of his palms.]
Doesn't it ever get tired? It's in constant motion, from what I understand. Even your lungs have moments of rest in between breaths.
[Wait.]
Ah, please tell me if my questions are untoward. I'm aware they're rather strange.
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Everyone's breathing slows down when they're asleep, right? Even yours. So I guess that means hearts are similar, and don't have to work as hard when we sleep, too.
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I suppose that makes some sort of sense.
[And thinking on it, Byleth's Crest Stone likely worked constantly too, as his pulse was consistently regular, albeit far slower than a normal human's. Though how exactly it functioned, Byleth had no idea. He knew what a heart looked like, and understood the mechanism behind it: it squeezed and forced the blood out so fast it could rush around the entire body within a second and a bit. A Crest Stone was... well, stone-like. It didn't squeeze. So how did it do it...?
It was a question Byleth likely will never get an answer too - not unless he consented to someone vivisecting him which, well, he wasn't that curious. As always when it came to the inhuman parts of his biology, he simply set the curiosity aside, resigned to ignorance.]
In any case, are you feeling better? There's less tension in your back and shoulders now.
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[Claude rolls his shoulders, enjoying the feeling. He's sure a lot of it has nothing to do with the massage at all -- though that undoubtedly helped -- but just talking to Byleth like this. Dropping his guard a little, talking about anything or nothing, indulging Byleth's curiosity about something he probably would have been hesitant to ask most people.
Then he stretches, yawning, as if all that had made him sleepy.]
I think I'm about ready to pass out for the night. How about you?
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[Byleth had drawn his hands back, but he was fidgeting slightly. His mind was still latched onto the curiosity that was the heart, and Claude had offered to let him feel it, so he obviously wouldn't mind... but it was getting late, and it could wait until tomorrow, or a later date... but it would only take a short moment, half a minute at most...]
............but before we go to sleep, can I... feel your heartbeat...
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[Struck by an idea, Claude rearranges himself to lie on the camp bed, lifting up the covers so Byleth can join him. It's not the most comfortable bed in the world, and it'll be even more cramped with the two of them, but right now he doesn't mind any of that at all.]
This way you can listen to it, too, if you want.
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Very well. Thank you for indulging my curiosity.
[Sharing a bed like this didn't really register as anything strange to him, either. He had cosied up with Jeralt on more than a few occasions when they'd been in Faerghas during their bitter winters, and Byleth's main apprehension was letting a stranger be in close proximity to him. So, he slipped under the covers with Claude without hesitation.
It was cramped - more than, actually - with Byleth forced to lie on his side unless he wanted an arm and leg dangling off the edge. Despite his overwhelming curiosity, he didn't go straight for listening to Claude's heartbeat: he propped himself up on an elbow and very lightly rested his hand on the left side of Claude's chest-
-and lifted it up in surprise when he felt how strong the beat was.]
Oh. [he lowered his hand again, this time not flinching back at feeling the steady, strong beat.] That feels strange... two beats? It's not one single beat like a pulse is.
[It was like, beatbeat, or, beat-beat?]
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Yeah, it's a bit different, though I can't say I've thought about it as much as you have.
[Or at least, not since he was still a child and learning about the world.]
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I've always been curious, but I could never ask Jeralt about these things.
[Jeralt loved him, Byleth knew that. He was Jeralt's entire world. But his lack of heartbeat, his difficulty in emoting... it troubled his father as well. So, Byleth never brought it up, he never asked Jeralt questions like "what does it feel like to have a heartbeat?" or "can I feel it?", but he could never ask anyone else either... until now, that is.]
And people place a lot of importance on hearts. There're idioms and metaphors and... poems and stories that surround them. It's fundamental to being a person, and I'll admit, for the longest time, it made me wonder if I could even be considered human, or even alive, because I lacked it. Of course, I know now that my heart is simply... different, not absent.
[A part of him was a little angry that Jeralt had kept it secret from him for so long but... Byleth didn't know how to process that so he just buried it, like he did with all the difficult emotions.]
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[But knowing how to read subtler cues in his demeanour, his words, expressions... Claude feels like he understands him well with very little needing to be said. He rests a hand over Byleth's, where it's still splayed over his heartbeat.]
As for me, I have a regular heart just like most anyone else, but people still find plenty of reason to treat me differently. So, don't put too much stock in other peoples' assumptions of how things should be.
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[Byleth's gaze shifted from their clasped hands to Claude's face, and the corners of his mouth upturned into a gentle, barely there smile.]
Is it presumptuous of me to say I wish we'd met earlier...? I feel we both could've evaded a considerable amount of loneliness, if we did.
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I mean, even if we might regret not knowing each other sooner... getting to meet like this is something of a miracle, too.
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[But it made Byleth wonder where he'd stand once he returned to his own world. The Claude there was the leader of the Leicester Alliance, and likely had no idea Byleth even existed beyond his reputation and name. If Byleth sought him out... this type of relationship they had here was unlikely. Byleth would only ever be a hired mercenary.
...
Was this how Claude felt when encountering him here? Seeing a familiar face stare at him as if he was a stranger? Hm...]
In a way, it makes me almost sad to think of our eventual parting. The Claude in my world doesn't even know I exist, beyond being just a mercenary employed by King Dimitri.
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[Assuming the other Claude isn't some radically different person, he can imagine he'd take to Byleth for just the same reasons.]
Besides, I don't think I would ever think of anyone in my employ as just a mercenary. I like to familiarise myself with the people I work with.
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[...]
I'll think on it. For now, my employer is King Dimitri, but Jeralt expressed a desire to sever our ties with the Kingdom after our contract was concluded. The Church and Faerghus are still too closely aligned for his comfort... also, I get the impression he has less than fond feelings towards his homeland...
[Ah, but that was veering into topics Byleth wanted to avoid: Jeralt talk. Besides, there was no point discussing what ifs about his future back in his world right now. They weren't going home for a long while yet, regrettably.]
But I digress. May I listen to your heart? I'm curious to hear its sound.
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